Christian Husbands and Fathers

We want to be strong husbands and fathers who represent God's Father-heart in our families, our churches, and our communities.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Daddy Mistakes

Today I saw my four-year-old daughter sitting on the kitchen counter, and said sternly, "Get off the counter. You're not supposed to be up there." She stared at me with a bewildered expression on her face, and softly said, "But Dad, you put me up here." Indeed I had given her a hug and put her on the counter, then walked across the kitchen to deal with something else, and then turned around and found her on the counter. In that short a time I had forgotten that I had put her there! Oops.

We are not perfect parents. I will not list my faults here, nor will I ask you to list yours. What's most important is that we are willing to admit our failures to the Lord and seek His forgiveness. Also important - and sometimes harder - is to admit to our children when we make mistakes. They need to see that we are sinners just like they are, but that we have a forgiving heavenly Father who is quick to show us grace when we repent. Our children should learn from us that they can always go quickly to God for forgiveness when they sin.

I hugged my daughter as I gently took her down from the counter and put her back on the floor. I acknowledged she was right and said I was sorry for that mistake. I asked her to forgive me. She did. And I know the Lord forgave me too.


Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Tell Me a Truth that Makes Me Sad

My dear four-year-old daughter,

You didn't want to admit what you did this morning, so you told me a lie. I wish you could understand how awful a lie really is. When you blamed your older sister for breaking it, and told me that lie several times, it broke my heart. I'm not angry that something is broken, but I'm angry at the lie you told me over and over, even when I invited you to tell me the truth.

I would rather you tell me a truth that makes me sad than a lie that makes me mad.

God doesn't like it when we lie. He calls that sin. We want to be people who tell the truth always. Please tell me the truth.

No matter what, I will always, always love you. And that is the truth.

Love,
Dad

Friday, June 8, 2012

An All-The-Time Job

"Dad! Dad! Dad! Daddy!" One day in the car I had heard the name "Dad" so many times that I raised my voice and said, "I'm changing my name! For the next hour my name is not Dad!"

My young children were stunned. After a moment of silence, one of them asked, "So what is your name?"

"I'm not going to tell you!" I responded, still a bit frustrated.

That worked for about another minute, and that was about all the break I had.

Being a God-honoring Dad is an all-the-time job. We don't get to clock out and then go do something else. We're "on the clock" 24/7.

Deuteronomy 6:7 tells us a little about the all-the-time nature of parenting, especially how we are to teach the words of God to our children:
"You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."

That sounds like "all the time" to me. We are always working; we are always on call. This is God's divine assignment to parents. Do you know why? It's because our children learn not only by the things we say, but by the lives we live. These words of Scripture follow two verses (Deuteronomy 6:5-6) that put the command into a clearer context:

"You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart."
So it's not just instructing them all the time - we're not just telling them what to do. Yes, we're always teaching, but even more we're teaching them by our lives. We are teaching by the example we set, by the way we love the Lord and live for Him. 

Little eyes and ears always see and hear. When we're at work, our children know that we are dedicated to our jobs, and that working hard is a way we honor God. When we are sleeping, our children learn that God intends for us to take times of rest. As we worship with our families in church, our children learn how to worship. And we cannot be fooled: even little sins we think are "hidden" may still be noticed and emulated by our children.

Being a God-honoring Dad is an all-the-time job. But we also have an all-the-time Heavenly Father to Whom we can turn for help as we teach our children by word and by example.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

"Quality Time" or "Quantity Time"?

I have heard men say, "I don't get a lot of time with my family, but I do get a lot of quality time." By this, they mean they try to make their time at home fun for the family, with engaging activities that make lifelong memories. This is not a bad thought, per se.

But let me ask you this: if your son spends most of his time during the day without you, and then you come home and read him a book before bedtime, do you think he will feel great joy in this? Reading the book is great quality time, but is it enough?

Through my own successes and failures I have learned that my wife and children don't just need quality time, they need quantity time. They need my presence with them at dinnertime, on weekends, and at school events. They need me to take them to church every Sunday. They need me to pray with them and read the Bible with them. This takes lots of time, but it's worth it.

When I spend unhurried time with my wife, those hours are priceless for communication and depth in our relationship. When I spend unhurried time with my children, I hear about the joys and struggles of the school day, I hear about friendships that are going well and friendships that are strained, and I hear about their hopes and dreams.

"Quantity Time" is my goal. It's not always easy, but it is the right thing to do.

As I write this, I must confess one personal failing point: I am easily distracted by electronic gadgets. My phone rings at inconvenient times. My e-mails come right to my smart phone. I am often on the computer trying to write articles like this. To the thought of having "Quantity Time" with our families, I should hasten to add this: we need unplugged time. We need times when the gadgets are left in another room while we read the Bible, talk about life-issues, pray, and play together.

Will you join me in a commitment to spend "Quantity Time" with our wives and children?

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Why Am I Starting this Blog?

I saw the movie "Courageous." I listened to Eric Ludy talk about how we as men should care about what our Heavenly Father cares about: things like justice, compassion, and courage. I began meeting with a friend for prayer about how we can be better husbands and fathers. Through these things God is moving my heart to build a community of men who will commit to Biblical Boldness, Christlike Compassion, and God-Honoring Grace. Will you join me?

Please sign up on the right column so you will get each post by e-mail. Please feel free to join the discussion here and on the affiliated Facebook site. As this site develops over the coming months, please visit frequently.

May God grant us grace to honor Him in our families and in our lives.