My 10-year-old son often asks, "Can we play a game?" or "Can we watch something together?" His requests tend to come at inconvenient times, but I am learning to respond graciously when he asks. In his own way, he's asking me to show my love for him by spending time with him. That's his love language.
Perhaps you're familiar with Dr. Gary Chapman's work on "The Five Love Languages." He suggests these love languages:
* Words of Affirmation
* Acts of Service
* Receiving Gifts
* Quality Time
* Physical Touch
Chapman further suggests that we each have one primary love language, the thing we most often do to show love, or the thing that others can do that will help us feel most loved.
My love language is Acts of Service, so when I show love to someone, I tend to do something kind or unexpected. Likewise, if someone does something for me, I feel a surge of joy and gratitude.
My wife's love language is Words of Affirmation, so a day without a compliment is a hard day for her. I might clean the whole house for her, but as much as she would be grateful for that, she doesn't feel loved and cherished until I share with her some words of encouragement and gratitude.
For my oldest daughter, it's physical touch. For my son it's quality time. For my youngest daughter, it seems to be physical touch (she's only five, so we're still trying to figure hers out). Each person has his or her own unique love language.
As a husband and father, I want to meet my wife's and kids' needs for love in the ways they best feel loved. This means I have to break out of my natural tendency to show love with acts of service (which I will still do no matter what), and find ways to speak to each of them in their unique love language. Each day I need to spend quality time with my son, snuggle with my daughters, and share words of encouragement with my wife.
You, too, may need to break out of your comfort zone to show love to your wife and children. You may need to go shopping for, or with, the one who thrives on receiving gifts. You may need to take time to linger and hold the one who thrives on physical touch. You may need to search for words of affirmation that will encourage your wife or child (that's probably important no matter what, but even more important for the person with this love language). You may need to take time to do something special for the one who thrives on acts of service. You may need to slow down and spend some unhurried moments with the one who thrives on quality time.
How will you show love to your family today?
Brian T. Whitaker
www.whitakerwritings.com
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You can read more about the five love languages at www.5lovelanguages.com.
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