Free Resources from Whitaker Writings

I have a number of free resources available on my main website, www.whitakerwritings.com.

Click HERE to find some free articles that might encourage you today.

Click HERE to listen to some sermons I've preached.

Click HERE to listen to a seminar I gave a couple of years ago, "Handling Hardship with Hope." On that page I have also included pdf files of the handouts I prepared for that workshop.

May these resources bless and encourage you today!

Great Resources for Dads

As fathers, we want to help our children think through the many social, spiritual, and emotional issues they will face. How do we help them think biblically about peer pressure, internet usage, and a myriad of questions about dating and sex?

I have found some valuable resources that have blessed and equipped me to be a better father. Before I share them with you, I want to tell you that I am NOT receiving anything from promoting these resources. I am highlighting them simply because I've found them to be very helpful to me as a parent.

* www.just1clickaway.org - This site contains research by Josh McDowell about internet usage in our day and time. His well-researched statistics stunned me and helped me think about how I can help my own children stay safe online. [Additional note: On this site, I highly recommend you click on the "Resources" tab and then watch the video in the center of that screen. This is a talk Josh gave last year to the American Association of Christian Counselors and it is full of tremendous information for parents as well as other adults who work with teens.]

* The Bare Facts - This is a DVD and book resource from Josh McDowell. Again, he has done tremendous research, and has written this book primarily to teens (though I suggest parents should read/view it with their teens), covering a wide range of questions today's youth might ask about sex. (This resource can also be ordered from other places, including Amazon and Barnes&Noble.)

* Interviewing Your Daughter's Date - This book by Dennis Rainey (Family Life) has some great thoughts for Dads who have daughters approaching the dating age. This resource is also available on Amazon and Barnes&Noble and Christian Book Distributors.

If you're looking for more, you can find a number of great resources from Family Life and Focus on the Family and the National Fatherhood Initiative.

I pray these resources bless, encourage, and equip you and me, as we all seek to raise God-honoring kids.

Praying WITH and FOR our Families

As Christians, we know prayer is important. We tell others that prayer is important in our lives. But how good are we at actually PRAYING?

Do you agree that prayer is powerful and effective? If you are uncertain, here are the words of James 5:16: "…The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."

Are we taking advantage of this tremendous power? Are we daily praying FOR the members of our family? Are we taking time to pray WITH our wives and children?

May I share some personal experiences?

*For too long I was timid about asking my wife if we could pray together. Wise friends of ours reminded us of the need to pray together daily. Since then we have been much better about praying together almost every night. In doing this, our hearts have been drawn together and God's power has been unleashed in our marriage and our family. We pray together for our work, our children, our finances, our extended family members, and so much more. We miss some nights here and there, and when we do, we feel it, and we quickly return to praying together again.

*My children will often share stories from the day, including challenges or problems they are facing. I always take time to listen and to help them think through the issue. Sometimes (I wish it were all the time) I am good about leading them to the Lord in prayer, committing the issue to Him and seeking His solution. The times I have prayed with them have turned out much better than the times I haven't. And my children are beginning to learn to go to God with their problems, which is a lifetime pattern I want them to follow.

*Every morning before school our family gathers for 10-15 minutes to read a few verses of Scripture and pray together for our day. We have a notebook of pictures: one part has pictures of our relatives; the other has pictures of missionaries for whom we've committed to pray. Every day, in addition to praying for ourselves, we pray for one person or family from this notebook. We don't succeed in doing this every day, but I'm very happy if we make four out of five. We have seen some great blessings out of this daily time together.

Men, our prayers don't have to be long to be effective. Even a prayer of "Please help me, Lord!" is something our Heavenly Father loves to hear from His children. We don't have to pray the "right" words to "get God to do what we want Him to do." All we have to do is lay our hearts before God. Sometimes I have prayed, "Lord, I'm not even sure how to pray for this, but I ask you to work in this situation and bring about what is best in Your eyes." And God answers these prayers.

Will you join me in committing to pray regularly WITH and FOR our wives and children?

How's Your Serve?

Men, if we want to have great marriages and strong families, we may need to work on our serve.

Am I serving my wife well? Am I taking time to listen to her? Am I conscientious about meeting her needs? Am I careful to avoid doing things that frustrate or marginalize her? See 1 Peter 3:7.

Am I serving my kids well? Am I disengaging from work so I can spend time with my kids? Am I turning off the television and the electronic devices so I can listen to them with my eyes as well as my ears? Am I asking questions about their lives and spending time doing things that are important to them? See Ephesians 6:4.

I have to admit: I still have a LONG way to go when it comes to improving my "serve." Maybe you do, too. If so, men, will you join me in committing to serve our wives and children a little better this week?

Do you remember what Jesus said about His purpose in coming to earth? In Mark 10:45 we read His words: "For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." I want to follow Jesus' example and serve my family well. Will you do the same?

Finger Pointing

By nature we are great at pointing fingers of blame.

The pattern starts in early childhood. "Johnny, did you break this toy?" What is four-year-old Johnny's likely answer? "No," or "I was playing and it just broke," or "Tommy did it."

Indeed, children are naturally adept at blaming one another. Whenever I hear an argument among my children, they are quite skilled at pointing out one another's faults, and quite reluctant to admit any of their own faults.

As children grow, the finger-pointing may look a little more sophisticated, but it's still finger-pointing. "I wasn't really speeding - I was just going with the flow of traffic." "Everyone is talking bad about me." "My teacher didn't remind me about the test, so I got a bad grade." "My parents forgot to give me money for the field trip." "Well how was I supposed to know that was due today?" "My boss totally made up lies about me so he could fire me."

Do you see how seldom the finger points toward self? It's too busy pointing at others' faults.

Let's be honest: none of us can really get off the hook here, can we? How often is the "problem" really "my wife's fault"? How often is someone else to blame when the checks bounce or the project misses its deadline? How often are the circumstances "beyond my control"?

Through years of counseling people in marriage issues and parent/child issues - not to mention raising my own children - I have seen a lot of finger-pointing. I have seen very little willingness to accept personal fault. "I'm sorry, I failed to complete this project on time." "I'm sorry, I should not have been so critical." "Please forgive me for being so unkind."

The finger points in the direction we want people to move. When I point my finger at someone else to highlight their fault (whether or not it's true), I push them away. In contrast, when I point the finger at myself, admitting my own fault, I beckon other people to move closer to me.

Would our relationships possibly be stronger if we readily owned up to our own faults and sought forgiveness from people we hurt along the way?

For the Single Dads

Most of the posts on this blog tend to focus on men who are married with children. However, because I was a single father for 2 1/2 years after my first wife passed away, single dads always have a special place in my heart.

No matter what circumstances made you a single father, I want to give you some encouragement today. Whether you have your children all the time or you share custody with others, God has positioned you to have tremendous influence on your child or children. I want to encourage you to make the most of the opportunity you have.

There's no doubt: being a single parent is hard. Kids' needs are constant. Meeting those needs can be quite exhausting, especially if you're doing it alone. I recently reviewed a large number of e-mails I wrote during those years when I was a single dad, and to some of my most trusted family and friends I regularly vented frustrations with solo-parenting my two young children. In these e-mails I often sought affirmation of decisions I made, or advice on how to handle situations for which I could not find solutions - from bedtime battles to potty training to mealtime complaints.

Dear single dad, may I offer you some thoughts?

• Look to the Lord for help. God is our perfect Heavenly Father, and He is ready to help if you ask Him.
  

• Call on other people for advice. Our culture encourages fierce independence, but single parents cannot afford to muddle through this alone. Have a few trusted friends or family members that you can call or text or e-mail whenever you need advice.

• Spend time with good families. When in the presence of fellow parents you respect, learn all you can from the way they work with their children. Good parents will never mind your asking for words of wisdom. I gained many great ideas from wonderful fellow-parents all around me.

• If your parents were good role models, emulate them. If they were not, be honest about their shortcomings and learn from their mistakes. You may be the first God-honoring parent in your family lineage, so start a good pattern for future generations.

Being a single dad may not be easy, but you can do it. Some days it takes every ounce of energy just to survive through the day. But we really want to do much more than "get by." We want to follow Ephesians 6:4 and "bring [our children] up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." As you look to the Lord, He will give you the strength and grace to do this.

Loving When Prickly

In our marriages, we all have times when we become a bit prickly. A wife may draw back from her husband's gesture of tenderness. A husband may respond tersely to a simple question. Kind words are answered with words that are less than kind. A new topic of conversation is hindered by unresolved issues from a previous conversation.

If one spouse is prickly, it's very easy for the other spouse to become prickly in response. However, if you've tried that, you've probably learned (as I have) that this only makes things worse. Most often, both husband and wife descend into prickly solitude.

It's much better to deal with the prickliness and then move toward healthier interactions.

If I'm the one who is prickly, I have to work on my own attitude. I may need to take time to pray. I may need to humble myself before God and before my wife. I may need to confess some sin. I may need to take time to discern what is causing me to be prickly. No matter what, I want to soften my quills as quickly as possible so I can be a better husband.

If my wife is the one who is prickly, she will follow steps like this to deal with her own prickliness. As her husband, besides making sure I don't add to her prickliness by my own negative responses, I have found some very positive and loving ways I can help her.

• I can take time to patiently listen to my wife.  
• I may need to ask forgiveness for something I said or did, or for something I did not do but should have done.
• I can spend some uninterrupted time and attention with my wife. Her prickles may or may not have anything to do with me in particular, but as her husband my expressions of love and support will help her.
• I can offer some tender touch. If she's feeling lonely, I might rub her feet or massage her back. She may just need to snuggle in my arms for a while.
• I can speak some words of affirmation. If she's feeling down, or if she has been criticized, or if the kids' complaints have hurt her, she may need me to thank her for even some of the most mundane things she did during the day. She may need to hear again some of the many reasons I love and appreciate her.
• I can do something special for her. Perhaps I can take care of the kids so she can take an hour or so away from the demands of the house. Perhaps I can give her a night off from cooking or other household duties. 

These ideas are written from a man's perspective, but women who read this can switch the genders and apply these same thoughts toward helping their prickly husbands.

When our spouses get prickly, we want to reach out with tender actions and gracious words, showing great love and patience. After all, isn't that how God treats us? So often we turn away from Him, we bristle against His boundaries, we defiantly fold our arms or even shake our fist at Him - yet He continues to reach out to us in love and grace. Let's follow that model and show that kind of love to our spouses, too.

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25).