My 10-year-old son often asks, "Can we play a game?" or "Can we watch something together?" His requests tend to come at inconvenient times, but I am learning to respond graciously when he asks. In his own way, he's asking me to show my love for him by spending time with him. That's his love language.
Perhaps you're familiar with Dr. Gary Chapman's work on "The Five Love Languages." He suggests these love languages:
* Words of Affirmation
* Acts of Service
* Receiving Gifts
* Quality Time
* Physical Touch
Chapman further suggests that we each have one primary love language, the thing we most often do to show love, or the thing that others can do that will help us feel most loved.
My love language is Acts of Service, so when I show love to someone, I tend to do something kind or unexpected. Likewise, if someone does something for me, I feel a surge of joy and gratitude.
My wife's love language is Words of Affirmation, so a day without a compliment is a hard day for her. I might clean the whole house for her, but as much as she would be grateful for that, she doesn't feel loved and cherished until I share with her some words of encouragement and gratitude.
For my oldest daughter, it's physical touch. For my son it's quality time. For my youngest daughter, it seems to be physical touch (she's only five, so we're still trying to figure hers out). Each person has his or her own unique love language.
As a husband and father, I want to meet my wife's and kids' needs for love in the ways they best feel loved. This means I have to break out of my natural tendency to show love with acts of service (which I will still do no matter what), and find ways to speak to each of them in their unique love language. Each day I need to spend quality time with my son, snuggle with my daughters, and share words of encouragement with my wife.
You, too, may need to break out of your comfort zone to show love to your wife and children. You may need to go shopping for, or with, the one who thrives on receiving gifts. You may need to take time to linger and hold the one who thrives on physical touch. You may need to search for words of affirmation that will encourage your wife or child (that's probably important no matter what, but even more important for the person with this love language). You may need to take time to do something special for the one who thrives on acts of service. You may need to slow down and spend some unhurried moments with the one who thrives on quality time.
How will you show love to your family today?
Brian T. Whitaker
www.whitakerwritings.com
_______
You can read more about the five love languages at www.5lovelanguages.com.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Saturday, December 8, 2012
FREE BOOK!
I am giving away my newest novel on Amazon.com today and tomorrow (Dec. 8-9). Please help spread the word.
Christmas Hope - A Short Novel
My other novel is only $1.99: Christmas for the Family - A Short Novel
May these books bless and encourage you!
Christmas Hope - A Short Novel
My other novel is only $1.99: Christmas for the Family - A Short NovelMay these books bless and encourage you!
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Christmas Hope - A Short Novel
I'd like to announce the publication of my second e-book, just in time for Christmas!
Christmas Hope - A Short Novel is now available through Amazon.com.
Here's the summary:
Even if you don't have a Kindle device, you can download the Kindle Reader program for free to any computer, or download the Kindle app to your mobile device.
Click HERE to view this book on Amazon.com or to purchase a copy for yourself.
Christmas Hope - A Short Novel is now available through Amazon.com.
Here's the summary:
Not everyone is able to have a "Merry" Christmas. The Nelson family is about to learn this in a very personal way.
Tom, Jackie, Erin, and John Nelson are a typical modern family. As Christmas approaches, they have plans for a big family celebration, with fun gifts and even a cruise vacation beginning the day after Christmas.
Then tragedy strikes and everything changes.
In the midst of their struggles, Tom and Jackie seek counsel from their Christian neighbors, Matt and Annie Tyler. Will the Nelsons find the hope they desperately need?
Even if you don't have a Kindle device, you can download the Kindle Reader program for free to any computer, or download the Kindle app to your mobile device.
Click HERE to view this book on Amazon.com or to purchase a copy for yourself.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Free Resources from Whitaker Writings
I have a number of free resources available on my main website, www.whitakerwritings.com.
Click HERE to find some free articles that might encourage you today.
Click HERE to listen to some sermons I've preached.
Click HERE to listen to a seminar I gave a couple of years ago, "Handling Hardship with Hope." On that page I have also included pdf files of the handouts I prepared for that workshop.
May these resources bless and encourage you today!
Click HERE to find some free articles that might encourage you today.
Click HERE to listen to some sermons I've preached.
Click HERE to listen to a seminar I gave a couple of years ago, "Handling Hardship with Hope." On that page I have also included pdf files of the handouts I prepared for that workshop.
May these resources bless and encourage you today!
Friday, October 26, 2012
Great Resources for Dads
As fathers, we want to help our children think through the many social, spiritual, and emotional issues they will face. How do we help them think biblically about peer pressure, internet usage, and a myriad of questions about dating and sex?
I have found some valuable resources that have blessed and equipped me to be a better father. Before I share them with you, I want to tell you that I am NOT receiving anything from promoting these resources. I am highlighting them simply because I've found them to be very helpful to me as a parent.
* www.just1clickaway.org - This site contains research by Josh McDowell about internet usage in our day and time. His well-researched statistics stunned me and helped me think about how I can help my own children stay safe online. [Additional note: On this site, I highly recommend you click on the "Resources" tab and then watch the video in the center of that screen. This is a talk Josh gave last year to the American Association of Christian Counselors and it is full of tremendous information for parents as well as other adults who work with teens.]
* The Bare Facts - This is a DVD and book resource from Josh McDowell. Again, he has done tremendous research, and has written this book primarily to teens (though I suggest parents should read/view it with their teens), covering a wide range of questions today's youth might ask about sex. (This resource can also be ordered from other places, including Amazon and Barnes&Noble.)
* Interviewing Your Daughter's Date - This book by Dennis Rainey (Family Life) has some great thoughts for Dads who have daughters approaching the dating age. This resource is also available on Amazon and Barnes&Noble and Christian Book Distributors.
If you're looking for more, you can find a number of great resources from Family Life and Focus on the Family and the National Fatherhood Initiative.
I pray these resources bless, encourage, and equip you and me, as we all seek to raise God-honoring kids.
I have found some valuable resources that have blessed and equipped me to be a better father. Before I share them with you, I want to tell you that I am NOT receiving anything from promoting these resources. I am highlighting them simply because I've found them to be very helpful to me as a parent.
* www.just1clickaway.org - This site contains research by Josh McDowell about internet usage in our day and time. His well-researched statistics stunned me and helped me think about how I can help my own children stay safe online. [Additional note: On this site, I highly recommend you click on the "Resources" tab and then watch the video in the center of that screen. This is a talk Josh gave last year to the American Association of Christian Counselors and it is full of tremendous information for parents as well as other adults who work with teens.]
* The Bare Facts - This is a DVD and book resource from Josh McDowell. Again, he has done tremendous research, and has written this book primarily to teens (though I suggest parents should read/view it with their teens), covering a wide range of questions today's youth might ask about sex. (This resource can also be ordered from other places, including Amazon and Barnes&Noble.)
* Interviewing Your Daughter's Date - This book by Dennis Rainey (Family Life) has some great thoughts for Dads who have daughters approaching the dating age. This resource is also available on Amazon and Barnes&Noble and Christian Book Distributors.
If you're looking for more, you can find a number of great resources from Family Life and Focus on the Family and the National Fatherhood Initiative.
I pray these resources bless, encourage, and equip you and me, as we all seek to raise God-honoring kids.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Praying WITH and FOR our Families
As Christians, we know prayer is important. We tell others that prayer is important in our lives. But how good are we at actually PRAYING?
Do you agree that prayer is powerful and effective? If you are uncertain, here are the words of James 5:16: "…The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
Are we taking advantage of this tremendous power? Are we daily praying FOR the members of our family? Are we taking time to pray WITH our wives and children?
May I share some personal experiences?
*For too long I was timid about asking my wife if we could pray together. Wise friends of ours reminded us of the need to pray together daily. Since then we have been much better about praying together almost every night. In doing this, our hearts have been drawn together and God's power has been unleashed in our marriage and our family. We pray together for our work, our children, our finances, our extended family members, and so much more. We miss some nights here and there, and when we do, we feel it, and we quickly return to praying together again.
*My children will often share stories from the day, including challenges or problems they are facing. I always take time to listen and to help them think through the issue. Sometimes (I wish it were all the time) I am good about leading them to the Lord in prayer, committing the issue to Him and seeking His solution. The times I have prayed with them have turned out much better than the times I haven't. And my children are beginning to learn to go to God with their problems, which is a lifetime pattern I want them to follow.
*Every morning before school our family gathers for 10-15 minutes to read a few verses of Scripture and pray together for our day. We have a notebook of pictures: one part has pictures of our relatives; the other has pictures of missionaries for whom we've committed to pray. Every day, in addition to praying for ourselves, we pray for one person or family from this notebook. We don't succeed in doing this every day, but I'm very happy if we make four out of five. We have seen some great blessings out of this daily time together.
Men, our prayers don't have to be long to be effective. Even a prayer of "Please help me, Lord!" is something our Heavenly Father loves to hear from His children. We don't have to pray the "right" words to "get God to do what we want Him to do." All we have to do is lay our hearts before God. Sometimes I have prayed, "Lord, I'm not even sure how to pray for this, but I ask you to work in this situation and bring about what is best in Your eyes." And God answers these prayers.
Will you join me in committing to pray regularly WITH and FOR our wives and children?
Do you agree that prayer is powerful and effective? If you are uncertain, here are the words of James 5:16: "…The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
Are we taking advantage of this tremendous power? Are we daily praying FOR the members of our family? Are we taking time to pray WITH our wives and children?
May I share some personal experiences?
*For too long I was timid about asking my wife if we could pray together. Wise friends of ours reminded us of the need to pray together daily. Since then we have been much better about praying together almost every night. In doing this, our hearts have been drawn together and God's power has been unleashed in our marriage and our family. We pray together for our work, our children, our finances, our extended family members, and so much more. We miss some nights here and there, and when we do, we feel it, and we quickly return to praying together again.
*My children will often share stories from the day, including challenges or problems they are facing. I always take time to listen and to help them think through the issue. Sometimes (I wish it were all the time) I am good about leading them to the Lord in prayer, committing the issue to Him and seeking His solution. The times I have prayed with them have turned out much better than the times I haven't. And my children are beginning to learn to go to God with their problems, which is a lifetime pattern I want them to follow.
*Every morning before school our family gathers for 10-15 minutes to read a few verses of Scripture and pray together for our day. We have a notebook of pictures: one part has pictures of our relatives; the other has pictures of missionaries for whom we've committed to pray. Every day, in addition to praying for ourselves, we pray for one person or family from this notebook. We don't succeed in doing this every day, but I'm very happy if we make four out of five. We have seen some great blessings out of this daily time together.
Men, our prayers don't have to be long to be effective. Even a prayer of "Please help me, Lord!" is something our Heavenly Father loves to hear from His children. We don't have to pray the "right" words to "get God to do what we want Him to do." All we have to do is lay our hearts before God. Sometimes I have prayed, "Lord, I'm not even sure how to pray for this, but I ask you to work in this situation and bring about what is best in Your eyes." And God answers these prayers.
Will you join me in committing to pray regularly WITH and FOR our wives and children?
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
How's Your Serve?
Men, if we want to have great marriages and strong families, we may need to work on our serve.
Am I serving my wife well? Am I taking time to listen to her? Am I conscientious about meeting her needs? Am I careful to avoid doing things that frustrate or marginalize her? See 1 Peter 3:7.
Am I serving my kids well? Am I disengaging from work so I can spend time with my kids? Am I turning off the television and the electronic devices so I can listen to them with my eyes as well as my ears? Am I asking questions about their lives and spending time doing things that are important to them? See Ephesians 6:4.
I have to admit: I still have a LONG way to go when it comes to improving my "serve." Maybe you do, too. If so, men, will you join me in committing to serve our wives and children a little better this week?
Do you remember what Jesus said about His purpose in coming to earth? In Mark 10:45 we read His words: "For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." I want to follow Jesus' example and serve my family well. Will you do the same?
Am I serving my wife well? Am I taking time to listen to her? Am I conscientious about meeting her needs? Am I careful to avoid doing things that frustrate or marginalize her? See 1 Peter 3:7.
Am I serving my kids well? Am I disengaging from work so I can spend time with my kids? Am I turning off the television and the electronic devices so I can listen to them with my eyes as well as my ears? Am I asking questions about their lives and spending time doing things that are important to them? See Ephesians 6:4.
I have to admit: I still have a LONG way to go when it comes to improving my "serve." Maybe you do, too. If so, men, will you join me in committing to serve our wives and children a little better this week?
Do you remember what Jesus said about His purpose in coming to earth? In Mark 10:45 we read His words: "For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." I want to follow Jesus' example and serve my family well. Will you do the same?
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